14 Tips for Maintaining a MARRIAGE After the Wedding

by Guest Blogger, Cendi Micor, WPICC of Immortal Weddings

Although your wedding is one of the most important days of your life, once it’s done, there is still a marriage to keep up.  This is a partnership that goes beyond your “big day”.  So, here are 14 tips that have helped my husband and me along our 4.5 year marriage so far…

1. Value the simple things 

As much as we all love to be showered by gifts, it’s the simple everyday things that we do that matter most.  How great is it to wake up every morning and have your lunch ready for you?  When it’s snowing out, it is so wonderful to have your partner clean off and warm up your vehicle so you don’t have to worry about it.  I knew my hubby was the one when I got home one day to find a single rose with a card attached to it, laying on my desk.  I was about to start a co-op position and apparently he called my sister to let him sneak into my room so he could leave some words of encouragement.  That moment was priceless!  So no matter what, appreciate simple things that constantly remind you that you are on your partner’s mind.

2. Be careful what you say when you’re angry

Yes, we ALL fight with our partners but how do you fight?  Whether or not you have a temper, there are times when we all say things we do not mean.  If you need to, walk away from the situation until you calm down.  Watch what you say and how you say it because you can’t take back hurtful words once you say it.

3. Don’t go to sleep angry

This is a TOUGH one.  Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, if you are fighting about something, especially if you are both hard-headed, you won’t always see eye-to-eye by the time you are ready for bed.  But you know what?  That’s okay!  You can’t always agree on everything.  However, with that being said, you should be mature about the matter and make sure that you are civil when you lay down together.  Say “goodnight”, even if you don’t mean it at the time.  Is it really worth having one of you sleep on the couch?  Will your problem be solved by the morning?

 4. Keep dating and go on vacation

At least once a month, especially if you are parents, go out and enjoy each other’s company.  Whether it’s during the day or in the evening, take time to do things you used to when you were dating.  It does not have to be extravagant.  Also, make the effort to put money aside to vacation together.  Whether or not you bring kids, just enjoy time away from reality.  Shop, eat-out and have no worries.  Not everything has to be routine just because you are married; does not have to be boring.

5. Talk and laugh

As much as you do get to a point where things are routine, take time to actually talk to each other.  Obviously, you are not chatting on the phone for hours or chatting on msn anymore, but talk about each other’s days at dinner time.  Turn the t.v. off and talk or play cards.  Reminisce and laugh about memories.  Remember just what it is about the other person that made you fall for them in the first place.

6. Money comes and goes

As a couple, finances are a touchy subject and it takes a while to get used to the idea that “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours”.  At the end of the day, although you should consult each other, you really should keep your own accounts and have independence.  No amount of money is worth fighting over…work on your issues together and you will find a way regardless. 

7. You need “me” time

As much as you are a couple, you need to maintain your independence as well.  Don’t lose a sense of who you are.  So, go out and have a girls night or enjoy a poker night with your boys.  While your partner is out, unless there is an emergency, there is no need to call and check-in.  Give each other the chance to miss each other; you don’t have to do everything together.  If you live together, enjoy the freedom of hanging out in separate rooms.  Do your nails and pluck your eyebrows or play hours of Playstation without interruptions!!

8.  Let the little things slide

You don’t always do things the same way.  For example, the way you fold clothes may be different from your partner’s way.  Is it worth arguing about?  Be lucky that your laundry is done.  In other words, choose your battles wisely.  Your relationship can’t be perfect so don’t nag about every little trivial thing.  It’s not worth your frustration.

9. Little words mean a lot

Now that you are used to each other’s ways and completely comfortable, you should still make the effort to say “please”, “thank you”, “I love you”, and “you’re welcome”.   I bet talking to each other so much, you don’t realize how infrequently you use these words.  Also take time to compliment each other.  It’s nice to hear and can make a horrible day suddenly wonderful.

10.  Intimacy

Yes, it may be difficult to keep the fire as intense as it was when you were dating but you need to stay intimate.  Especially if you have kids, make time for each other.  Also means being affectionate…hug, kiss, hold hands.  You don’t have to be “lovey-dovey” and constantly act like newlyweds or hormone-driven adolescents, but a physical connection is just as important as  an emotional connection.

11. Support each other’s ambitions

Even if you are not enthusiastic about your partner’s career goals, be his
/her cheerleader.  Try to share their passion and respect their drive.  For example, if your partner is starting a new business, give them an evening, without interruptions, and allow them to “do their thing”.  It shows just how much you want them to succeed. 

12.  Share responsibilities

It’s now 2010 so there should no longer be the idea of ” a woman’s place is in the kitchen”.  Yes, I know this is an old-fashioned concept that exists but there is nothing wrong with a man cooking, especially if he loves it.  Women can shovel, they can take out garbage.  The chores should be shared as much as possible be you are both hard-working and both need a break once in a while.

13.  Respect each other’s family and friends

Luckily, I have in-laws that I get along with but we all know that many people are not that fortunate.  Whether or not you get along with your in-laws, respect your partner and watch what you say.  If you have nothing nice to say, seriously, don’t say nothing at all.  You don’t have to keep your mouth shut about your opinions but say it nicely.  Also, if your partner has friends you don’t get along with (again, luckily I do not have issues with my hubby’s friends) be respectful.  He/she is friends with them for a reason so trust his/her judgement.  I mean, you were chosen as a spouse, right? 

 14.  Surprises!

No matter how big or small, take the time to surprise each other. Whether it’s with concert tickets, flowers for no reason or even cooking his/her favourite meal, spontaneity is important.

Well, I’m surely not an expert or marriage counsellor but these things have worked for me so far.  Marriage does take a lot of work and effort but hope some of these tips can help put things into perspective.