Saving Your Sanity: When It’s Ok to Say No

By Radhika Graham, WPICC, is the Founder, Creative Director, and Lead Planner of Rad Occasions

I joke that after doing weddings in all sorts of weather, surviving a pandemic, and even dealing with the sleep deprivation of having a toddler during wedding season we can do anything BUT that doesn’t mean that we should. This has been a tough lesson I learned through many trials and tribulations so I want to share how listening to my intuition lead me to work with clients that I adore working with and led to me being more fulfilled with my chosen career as a wedding planner. This article is focused on saving your sanity, and learn that it’s okay to say no.

Red and Green Flags

Whether we choose to see them or not, the flags are always there. These are a few of the flags, bad and good, I have noticed that have made the planning process either a little more trying or really enjoyable:

Red Flags:

• 1.Unrealistic Timelines: Sometimes couples don’t actually know how long it can take to make things happen but even after being educated on timeframes etc. they still insist on planning a grand event within an impossibly short timeframe.
• 2. Constant Changes: I find that early on in the planning process couples aren’t completely sure what they want but if they are constantly changing the original plan without any consideration of their vendor and their contracts, it might be time to have a bigger conversation.
• 3. Ignoring Boundaries: Couples who contact you at all hours without respecting your work-life balance can quickly become overwhelming and give you a sense that you always need to be working.

Green Flags:

• 1. Clear Communication: A couple who values open communication and respects your professional boundaries is more likely to create a positive working relationship.
• 2. Realistic Expectations: Couples who understand the time and effort required for a successful wedding and are willing to collaborate on achievable goals.
• 3. Appreciation for Your Expertise: When clients trust your skills and let you take the lead where you shine is a sign of a mutually respectful relationship.

With all that said, we sometimes end up working with wedding couples that have some or all of the red flags mentioned above so establishing boundaries from the beginning is crucial. Be sure to clearly communicate your working hours, response times, and the scope of your services. For example, I let all of our couples know that I:

• 1. Prefer email communication for the majority of our communication so nothing is lost between text, Instagram, Facebook, etc.
• 2. That I will be respond within 1 to 3 business days between the hours of 7am and 4pm, unless I am out of the office because of a vacation, illness, or another special circumstance.
• 3. Provide a presentation that clearly lays out what is included with the package they are interested in and what the costs are for anything above and beyond the services offered in the package.

Saying “No” Gracefully

As wedding planners, we never want to say “no” but sometimes we have to so we can protect our sanity! These are a few examples of what has worked for me in the past when I have figured out that maybe we aren’t the best fit before any contracts are signed:

Declining Due to Availability

“I appreciate the opportunity to work with you, but unfortunately, my current schedule doesn’t allow me to give your day the attention it deserves. I would like to suggest you reach out to [enter one or two other event planning companies that you think might be a better fit] as they might be available for your day. “

Misalignment of Values

“Thank you for considering me for your day. After careful consideration, I feel that our styles may not align perfectly. I want you to have the best experience possible, and I believe there’s someone better suited to meet your specific needs. I would like to suggest [enter one or two other event planning companies that you think might be a better fit] as I think that they would be a wonderful fit for your day.”

Overlapping Commitments

“I’m honoured that you reached out to us for assistance with your wedding. Unfortunately, I have prior commitments that overlap with your timeline. I want to make sure you have the dedicated attention your celebration deserves. Please reach out to [enter one or two other event planning companies that might be available] as they might have availability for your date”

Managing Difficult Relationships

Of course, there are times where red flags aren’t as obvious from initial conversations, in those case here are some examples of how to communicate with your couples:

Setting Boundaries

“I value our working relationship and want to make sure our collaboration is successful. So, I can make sure that I am being as productive as possible for your day, let’s set clear hours of availability and set realistic expectations moving forward.”

Handling Constant Changes

“I’m thrilled to bring your vision to life, but additional requests are impacting our original plan. Let’s discuss these changes and their implications before making any further decisions.”

Addressing Communication Overload

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but to provide the best service, let’s establish designated communication times. This will allow me to focus on executing your vision without interruptions.”

Knowing Your Value

It can be tempting to work with a couple despite the red flags because of the venue, the exciting vision for their day, or the compensation – especially when you are new to the industry. At the end of the day, it is important to remember that your expertise is invaluable. I know it can be tough at first but don’t hesitate to articulate your worth, whether it’s in negotiations, managing expectations, or gracefully saying “no” to save your sanity and provide you longevity in the wedding industry.