Secrets to a Happy Relationship

By: Tracey Manailescu

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, I was inspired to write about something that not only made me feel good, but something that could be useful and inspirational to others. I have been married for twelve years, and while it has been by no means 'perfect', it is a healthy and happy marriage (most of the time).  I truly believe you need to have fun, and be friends with your partner to succeed. I also think it is good to fight sometimes.  It takes hard work, determination and strength to make a marriage last. We all have ups and downs, but you can learn from your mistakes and make a stronger relationship from it. I am myself with my husband. He accepts me and loves me, faults and all. For that I am grateful and love him madly!

I thought, who better to help me write this article then my fellow alumni at The Wedding Planners Institute of Canada. Thank you to each of you for your wonderful tips and advice!

First though, I asked some experts…my Grandparents!

"It is not all roses and chocolates. There are a lot of sour pickles in there, too!"

"There is no magic recipe.  Just play it out day by day. Compatibility, and the same core values really help. Respect each others opinion.  "It is not all roses and chocolates. There are a lot of sour pickles in there, too!" -Ruby & Thomas Andrews, married for 60 years

"It is not easy work to be married. You have to like the person, not only love them. Listen to each other. Let the other finish their sentences. 'The good Lord gave you two ears and only one mouth, so listen twice as hard as you speak!' Never go to bed angry and always kiss each other goodnight." -Shirley & William Humphries, married 59 years

"The good Lord gave you two ears and only one mouth, so listen twice as hard as you speak!"

"I can’t help but notice that the most important thing (after choosing the right partner of course) is appreciation. And if I really look at happily married couples that I have come across it seems to be the most obvious thing that binds them. Marriage is a hard, but if couples could really just take a moment to appreciate each other, I think they would be much happier. This is also a great advice to use in everyday life. If you show genuine appreciation for others, most people will go the distance to help you." -Jennifer Borgh Jennifer Borgh Events

"Communication: Communication is key is a long lasting, successful relationship. You need to be able to express your feelings to your partner, and at the same time you must be a good listener so that he/she can do the same. If you can be respectful of eachothers needs or problems, this can eliminate any future issues or argument by being upfront and honest with the ability to communicate and tell each other anything." -Monica Hill Aisle Plan Your Day

"My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years now, we have one child and expecting another soon. I think our secret to a happy & successful realtionship is knowing the limitations of each other; knowing when we need to push versus when to give. He's my strength when I need it and I know if I use it too much it will make us weaker. It's a conscious effort at give & take.
I can say I've never been happier or more in love than I am now and it gets better with each passing year." -Charlotte Burhoe CSJ Events

"Taking the time to have date nights ESPECIALLY if you have kids. We get so caught up with our everyday routines (work, chores, etc.) that it is extremely important to take time, even if only once a month, to go on an actual "date". Enjoy each other's company, chat about anything and everything, and do things you don't normally get a chance to do. On the flip side, it is important to maintain individuality. Women…go for a Ladies Night. Men….go out with "the Boys". When you're home, hang out separately. Give each other the chance to miss each other." -Cendi Micor Immortal Weddings

"Keep some romance in the home by doing the small things, especially if you have kids. It can be hard to get out and do things with each other when you have little ones running around and you may not want to wait until a specific day to do something for the one you love. It can be as simple as putting the kids to bed half an hour earlier and having a late dinner by candle light in the kitchen. Maybe bringing home his or her favourite dessert and allowing them some quiet time to enjoy it. Show your love for them in many different little ways." -Jenya Hart

"Do not try to change your partner. They are who they are and you fell in love with them for that reason. By trying to change them they may feel unaccepted – accept them and they will accept you." -Sofia Morgadinho Awespiring Weddings & Design

"In almost four years of being married I have realised that there are so many accepts to creating a healthy relationship. The main characteristic I believe is treating each other as equals. I say this because when you treat someone that you love and care about as your equal it is extremely easy to respect, trust and support them. You may think this is a given, however these are really easy things to forget. When you have a partnership that is focused on these beliefs, it will be easy to remain in love and happy with your spouse. One last thing, do not forget to have fun with your spouse. Continue with the date nights even after you get married and have children. Those times will give you both that chance to reconnect. My parents have been married for 28 years and they still go on dates. Enjoy the ride called marriage, it may get bumpy but don’t get off!" –Tonya Hamilton Weddings of Elegance

"I think that believing in each other and supporting their dreams is a big one. Being there just to say I love you and I think what your doing is fantastic and I think you are going to do great. I know this has made me feel very special while starting my own company."
-Julia Pringle Once Upon Your Day

"Being married for more than 7 years, which they say is the magic number and once you go past that number of years, everything then goes smoother (which in not 100% true). I believe that communication is the key to a successful marriage, and not just communication but how you communicate your feelings to the other partner. Communicating whilst angry or frustrated wont help that much because i have a saying that "when we are angry we act stupid". Therefore it is important to first calm ourselves down and maybe give each other space by leaving the area and engage in something different. When you feel calm and ready to talk, it maybe after a few hours or days for some (like me,)then you can bring up the topic and express your feelings and also listen to your partners feelings too and his perspective on whatever might have been a problem. listening and acknoledging that you are different and accepting each other's differences will greatly help. The other thing is patience and tolerance. We have no patience or tolerance for each other anymore." -Lisa Nozipho

"Communication and having an open dialogue is key.
Having an appreciation/gratitude for each other and not taking anything or each other for granted. Marriage is hard work and finding a balance and being on the same page is ideal for a successful marriage.
Plus date nights, especially if you have kids it gives you the opportunity to re-connect with your partner. We have date nights twice a month and I must say it's so nice to get out as adults and enjoy each other's company." -Amira Harris Posh Productions Event Planning & Design Inc

"The secret to happy and successful relationship is C.A.R.E.!
Communicate – tell each other your thoughts and feelings, set aside time to talk and really listen to your partner. Unrelated stress and worry can be eliminated creating more time for each other. Tell your partner you love them! (even if they already know, it’s nice to hear)
Appreciate – don’t let the small things go unnoticed. Even though most things are not done for recognition, it’s nice to know that it is being noticed. When you show a genuine appreciation for the people in your life you will be much more grateful and find more enjoyment in the little things.
Romance – don’t let it die! Remember what makes your partner melt. Bring home something to make them smile if you know they had a bad day, or arrange a babysitter so you can go out and spend some time together. Recreate your first date or favorite meal or anything that reminds you how in love with each other you are.
Excitement – Keep it coming! Make a list of things you love to do together and schedule time for it. We all get so caught up in the craziness that we call life and forget about doing things just for fun. Go to Canada’s Wonderland for the day, plan a road trip to an out of town restaurant, a night away from work, house, stress and kids. Go camping or hiking something that you both love and never make time for." -Danielle Deebank Dreamstyle Weddings

"My husband and I have been together for 9 years, and married for almost 3. We have a 21 month old daughter.
I've learned that it is crucial to remember the vows you took. It is important to be by your partners side in good AND bad times, because there will be both. Agree to disagree on some topics. Just because you have differing opinions, it doesn't mean you don't love each other. It's important to celebrate your differences!
We have also recently agreed to say one nice thing to each other every day, to remember how far we have come. And 'I love you' is too easy, because it is such an automatic statement. Remember to tell your loved one how you feel about them. It's very easy to get caught up in life, and forget who stood by you through it all." -Jacquie Swadi One Sweet Day

"This is a question I always struggled with until I asked my Grandparents on their 50th Anniversary "What has kept you so in love all these years? What is your secret?" Both agreed that 'Compromise' is the key! Merrill and I both live by that and it's kept our relationship strong through any challenges." -Denise Georgiou-Newell Weddings Jubilee

"The key to a happy and healthy marriage is to support one another in your separate activities. My husband has been my biggest supporter since I chose to open my own business even though it means less time together. I support him 100% in his career choices, including two 6-9 month deployments in Afghanistan. We each lead our own individual lives with love, respect and trust in each other. The saying absence makes the heart grow fonder is very true. Spending a little time apart, even if that means you spend an evening with the girls, and he tinkers in the garage can do wonders for your relationship. Its all about quality time over quantity time spent together!" -Kalynn Warren Proposals Wedding and Event Planning

"Continue the courtship from the start…
Do the things you used to do when you were first dating. Compliment each other, show interest in the other person’s day, give gifts for no reason at all and make the effort to say thank you. Set aside one evening a week to do something together; just the two of you. My fiance will always give me little surprise gifts and he says with them there doesnt have to be a special day created for him to show me how much he loves me…"
-Nicole Rutkowski-Taylor

"What keep my and Bills 17 yrs. relationship strong, is the ability to laugh . We laugh with each other at least once a day, and often then not we are laughing all day. Laughter always helps gets you over the trouble waters in a relationship/nick names for each other helps too. Or a joke that only the two of you share." -Sherry Vanhoorne Wedding Passion

"One key thing I've noticed in all relationships is making sure to keep your individuality. It's important to do things together, but it's also important to do things on your own. For example, if you love reading but your spouse loves sports, let him go and shoot hoops with his friends while you go to book club on your own. It'll make the time together seem that much more special. Being a 'we' doesn't mean you can't be 'you'." -Holly Dance, First Dance Weddings and Events 

After 13 years of marriage and 15 years being together with my husband, I have a really healthy respect for COMPROMISE. I realized very early that we both can't have everything we want, when we want it at the same time. So we have had to look at each situation, have a discussion and figure out what is more important to achieve as a team at that time and that makes the decision for us. It has worked phenomenally so far
-Ophellia McKnight Bridal Affair Destinations

"Being married for 5, 10, 20, or more years means a lot, but how you live those years means a lot more. Be transparent, love and respect your partner as much as you love and respect yourself!"  -Dulce Avila Makeup 4 U

"Being a newlywed without children I may not have as much wisdom as others on this topic. However, having said that, my now husband and I have been together for almost 10 years and this is what has worked for us is…
* Seeing one another for who we truly are and loving both sides of spectrum equally.
* Celebrating each others successes and holding each others hands during difficult times.
* Being able to laugh with one another…..being able to see the humour in things
* Taking the time do to things for one another. The smaller gestures always makes the most impact." -Liz Scheniman

"There are many up and down in life, I agreed communication is one key element to have a happy and successful relationship, but I would also say respect one another is also as important.
No two person are 100% identical therefore there will be disagreements in a relationship. In order to keep a relationship happy and healthy, respect each other, respect their thought and comment, when there is an argument, take a deep breath or take a break to avoid saying words that you might regret later. Remind yourself the positive things about each other and ask yourself is it worth to hurt one another over the battle of who is right and who is wrong.
There are many reason why a couple decided to be together, they might have similar thoughts about life, share the same interest or they support one another when needed, it is like a puzzle there are only 1 that match well, if you happen to find that special someone congratulation and work your magic to continue your journey together." Rhonda Lam Devoted To You Inc.

"I've only been married for a few months, but the one lesson I learned very quickly was to accept our differences and choose our battles. Otherwise, we'd be fighting 24/7! Everything he does will not be exactly the way I want it done, and vice versa (even thought I'm pretty sure my way is the right way!)
When we were first married, we were nit picking everything! He doesn't wash the dirty pots, and I don't fold clothes the way he likes; and that was just the beginning. Now, we're learning that all those little things don't matter and aren't worth fighting about. When we just accept our differences and work around them, we live in peace.
Of course, when he finishes the bottle of Vanilla Coffee Mate and I have nothing for my morning cup of joe….that's just asking for a BIG FIGHT!" -Carolyne Allan, Avec Panache Weddings + Events

"If you want a happy and successful relationship there are few fundamental principles to take into consideration.
–Understanding, your personality and your partner’s personality is very important to allow both of you to have a better communication.
–Listening to your partner, to know him better and be open to all types to conversations while keeping the discussion always respectful.
-A love relationship demands sacrifices, faithfulness and loyalty in order to cherish it and keep it going.
Break the routine, to bring back joy into your life, suspense and motivation."
-Pascale Akiki

"My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. Some of our secrets to our happy marriage include:
Never going to bed angry – it doesn't matter what type of argument my husband and I may have, we have an agreement to never go to bed angry. At the end of the night we'll still kiss each other goodnight, say "I love you" and fall asleep in each other's arms.
Doing all the little things – sometimes we get so caught up in the day-to-day activities that we forget all the little things. It's important to: always give a hug or a kiss (especially when your spouse least expects it), saying "I love you" just because, saying "thank you" for everyday acts of kindness, purchasing an unexpected gift or planning a spontaneous date. These little acts can go a long way in showing your love and appreciation."
-Jag Brar My Big day

"My husband and I have only been married for a year and a half. And I must say that getting married and having our first child nine months later was definitely a challenge. But what I have learned about marriage so far is that communication, making compromises, and respect for one another are keys to a successful marriage." Jennifer dela Cruz, Avec Panache Weddings + Events

"I believe that there is always the "Set Formula" for happy relationships. Trust, Honesty, Loyalty & Respect.
But with that, I would say a partner with a good Sense of Humor, someone that you can always count on to pick you up when a bad day may occur.
A partner that you can always be yourself around. And a relationship where you never forget that the little things and gestures can sometimes make the world of a difference."
-Nadivia Patrick Events After Six

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day with the one you love!

-Tracey